sitting in front of stack of notes that are never-ending, I miss Cambodia more than ever.
I miss Nepal too.
and I wish that I was there right now.

a vulnerable emo-mo-mo moment.

I think I just need an eidetic memory.
that's all I ask for.

of Sushi-ness

(i meant to write this post-Sushi's-visit.)
it was a great, hectic, slightly chaotic one week visit.
I'm glad that Sushi and her mum came.
It's been ages since we last hang out like there was no tomorrow, what with her being in NUS and us having different semester breaks.
and through her, I saw Melb in a different light.

Sushi and I have always been inseperable throughout primary school. I think the fact that we both have the same birthdays was a pull factor that got us together in the first place. that and the fact that we live one street away. When you were in primary school, things as simple as those are enough to make a best friend out of anyone.

Secondary school was when the differences mattered. We were stil as close as before, but in a different way. We did do the whole drift-apart-and-get-back-again charade a few times throughout 5 years. because the bottom line is that even though we were born 2 hours apart on the same day at the same hospital in the same ward by the same doctor (our delivering mothers were feet apart from each other in the suite- Sushi's mum still remembered my mum being wheeled in! lols), we have different personalities. We went for different things in school. She was and still is the introvert, the rock, the voice of reason, the calming presence. I was and still is the extrovert, the flighty one, the spontaneous one. We both have the same values in life (family, friends, morality). But we had different groups in different activities and we were brought up differently in different family backgrounds, despite the fact that both sets of parents are still great friends till this day. But I guess it speaks volumes about the fact that we still call each other a sister-from-another-mother. We seldom call each other best friends anymore.

We go to different unis, have different goals in life. But ultimately, the moment I touched down in Malaysia during breaks, the second person I would message would be her, the first being my parents. We have different lives now on different continents. But at the end of the day, we get together for lunch and it feels like we are in primary school again. Girlish giggles abound.

It was an awesome week together.

of Starlight, star bright

Starlight Day was great.
I had fun selling flashing star wands and squishy stress balls that looked like stars.
and I was carrying the pouch full of moolah so everytime my fellow volunteers made a sale aka made a deposit, I felt the pouch getting heavier.
and we did really well. Half of the stuff we brought were gone in 2 hours!
but then again, we totally had our selling strategy down pat.
lols. we had like battle plans for strategic standing locations to sell our wares and strategic conversation starters.
and I looked really young compared to the other volunteers, so I had to smile sweetly and looked at the elderly couples strolling around with big innocent eyes and go "Would you like to help the kids today?". lols.
it's part of the "hook, line, sinker" strategy that we had going on.

it was great fun manipulating the shopping masses.

but I did notice that most of our buyers seemed to be in the middle-income/elderly/family group. they were just out on a Saturday, enjoying Bourke St mall and happened to chance upon our Starlight Children's stall and decided to get a few things to help the kids.
some even came specifically up to our stall to buy merchandise as they knew it was Starlight Day.
whereas those young adults/teens who were toting Sportsgirl/Esprit/Supre shopping bags with annotook a cursory glance and stalked off. it was totally infuriarating. and I seriously do mean that 95% of them just walked off.
if you have the money to buy clothes, couldn't you spare 5 bucks to buy something from us?
and if you already spent all your money buying short Supre dresses, i'm quite sure that you had some spare coins in your pocket from all the shopping right? so just drop some change into the donation bucket then.

this may sound like an overstatement.
but behind the facades of skinny jeans, poofed-up hair, statement tees, oversized shoulder bags, branded luxury items, there really is not much going on in the generosity department.
don't they know that they were kids once upon a time?

I just got this list of top 100 books of all time compiled by BBC.
and I have read only 41 of them.
time to buckle down and get to it.
now I need green tea, a warm throw rug, some chocolate, nice chilly days and a whole lot of moolah to get to the bottom of this perplexing issue.

p.s. I'm truly ashamed for having not read Harper Lee's To Kill A Mockingbird and some of the classics. Instead, I have been floundering around reading bits and pieces of fluff. lols. but I liiike it.

hopefully by the end of this year, I will reach the 60th mark? lols.

I bought lamb kidneys for 5 bucks.
and they shall be our dinner tonight.
can't wait to experiment. yay.
I think I shall put in diced tomatoes, mushrooms, green pepper and onions into it.
oooh and bacon too.

and I have a spot in AMSA's convention this year.
together with Pheyyee, we will rock Brissie and paint it pink!

of talc and exams

we had breast exam tutorials this afternoon, complete with fake boobs with lumps in them and real, live human beings to practice on.
interesting, no?
must mark this day down.
another milestone in med career down and plenty more to go.
breast exam, check!




p.s. the fake boob with the lumps was a surprise. didn't expect the med school to pull out such a teaching aid. for one, it sure didn't feel like a real breast, it felt all rubbery and weird-feeling. and another thing was my tutor whipped out Home Brand Talcum Powder and proceeded to give the fake boobs a dusting down. so the whole breast was covered in white powder which looked way weird. and then this guy in my tutorial went oh-so-cluelessly, "so we need to put talc on the patient's breasts too?" lols.

of would-be-legendary stuff

Sushi is coming to Melbourne!!! *dances a jig maniacally*
I miss my sister-from-another-mother and her coming is like a dream come true for me.
so it's all good.
suddenly, Sem 5 is shaping up to be a great semester.
too bad she's can't be here to celebrate our 21st birthdays together.
if she did come during Easter break, then it's like sweet, sweet icing with a juicy cherry on top of a wonderfully-creamy cake.
but I'll take what I can get and I will savor it.

"it'll be legen-wait for it-dary!!"
- Barney from How I Met Your Mother-

woohoo... I'm on cloud eleven right now.

overdue overdue overdue overdue overdue family post.

happy belated birthday, daddy! shall be back in a blink of an eye and then you can bring me for my beloved meepok. and we can sit around the dining table again and you can tell your chilhood stories of catching frogs to sell for lab experiments etc. and we can have our spontaneous Sunday road trips again through Johor again and you can give your cut-out newspaper articles personally to me. lols. but in the meantime, I miss you loads and you can get my portion of hugs and kisses from mum. xoxo, nut *squared*

and

happy early birthday, mum! you totally got the best friend/confidante/mum part down pat. 21 years of loving and caring, 'nuff said. missing you loads, xoxo.

of that smudge in the sky

oooh, I saw a wedding proposal in skywriting that day in Melbourne for all to see.
"Jo, marry me?"
too bad the pilot was kinda amateur-ish that he took so long to write the words that the "Jo" word was almost smudged away by winds.
by the time the question mark was drawn, it read "*smudge smudge* marry me?". lols
poor guy/girl/wedding proposer (since Jo is kinda an androgynous name and females actually do the proposing nowadays) must be thinking, "And I spent that amount of moolah for a proposal like that??!!"
and since you can't exactly make out the "Jo" word, any Tom, Dick, Harry of a boyfriend about to propose to his girl at that moment can just point to the skywriting and said, "babe, I did that for you. Marry me, *insert name of girlfriend here*?"lols.

I sure hope the guy/girl/weddinh proposer who commisioned the skywriting got his/her money back. lols.

of ageing

I totally can feel the effects of ageing on my body.
last night was BengSze's sweet 21st. (the boy said that there's going to be a helluva 21st parties that I will be attending this year! then only silly me realized that)
and as usual, as per Albert House tradition, nothing started on time and everything will start with a few unscehduled surprises (like Beng walking into a roomful of us who were unaware).
so the shindig only started around 10 plus and lasted till the wee hours of the MORNING.
and as I was standing there with Janice, watching the girls proceed their way through jugs of alcohol and music, I started to feel weary.

yes, I started to feel tired at 11plus. lols.
wow, so now 12 is my bedtime.
and I used to be able to stay up for the whole of the Meddies' Movie Marathon.
geez, I feel my bones creaking already.
whoop-de-doo.


p.s. but I staill had fun at Beng's smashing 21st. happy sweet 21st, girl!! we love you and outrageousness loads and loads. xoxo

of birthdays and Jason Mraz

I have tickets to Jason Mraz's rocking show.
this almost makes up for missing The Script. almost.
I'm still pissed about missing The Script LAST YEAR in concert at Hi-Fi.
but still, Jason Mraz is too cool for school. (I will take lots and lots of pictures for Pheyyee!! lols)
and I will be going with my brother and Janice, one of my fave girls.

and I'm kinda late with these but better late than never, yes?
so happy belated birthdays to Kim and Pheyyee and Shze Yi!

Kim: Happy sweet sweet sweet 21st, babe. Thanks for being in our lives. The last 2 years have been an absolute rollercoaster of Flare dances, Union House lunches, dinners out and plenty of bonding over our plight that is of College Square Swanston St. Couldn't imagine the pre-clinical years without you, and we'll still be stuck to the hip like Siamese twins during AMS, and hopefully when the time comes, we'll still be clinic buddies. To dancing through life together, cheers. xoxo

Pheyyee: To the peptidoglycan layer to my gram negative bacteria, happy sweet 20th, girl. lols. (I hope you'll appreciate the microbe reference: I don't think I would've survived without you by my side) You shall always be immortalised as the cake goddess bearing sweet libations to our weary/hungry souls. Again, without your PBL muffins, we would have been a few pounds lighter. But we are all well-fed little children, thanks to you. lols. But, joke-ey things aside, you totally rock our existence in Melbourne to the very core. Things would be very miserable (and dull) down under without your smile and bursts of laughter. To sweet muffins and sugar highs, cheers. xoxo

Shze Yi: happy sweet 21st, girl! I think I shall KISS for this one, because I think you know how much you mean to me. You being so far away, definitely changed our friendship. We are, after all, miles and miles and oceans and oceans apart. But I still miss you loads, after 3 years. and I love you loads. And fingers crossed, I'll visit you one day and we can stroll down Broadway one day, yes? To high school years of innocence and uni years of maturity, cheers. xoxo


and on a sad note, Mum's leaving tomorrow.=<

my apartment is all prettiness with the comfy lounge and my cosy little nook by the side.
microb is surprisingly interesting.
my internet is up and working, like a dedicated drone bee (??).
i am schticking to my healthy healthy plan, come rain come shine.
the peeps are wonderful, needless to say.
we haven't had any huge bust-ups, me and my brother.
and I just went for lacrosse sessions!

so life's good so far.

except maybe I want a dog.
a big nice dog.
i miss my German Shepherds at home.
so I want a huge huge huge one here.
like a Husky or a German Shepherd or a Lab or a Retriever.
I would so bring it for walkies and feed it treats and groom it till it shines.
and it would just lay on my legs and go to sleep with me.

of Cambodia

I think I'm a third-world-country kinda girl at heart.
I love the image of strolling down Madison Avenue, NYC in my patent leather boots with a gorgeous trench coat.
but ultimately, it's the other side that's greener for me.
i didn't think that it would be this way. but I just happen to slowly realise these insights about myself during the CNY trip.

and as predicted, Cambodia was a blast.
I totally fell hook, line and sinker for that country.
if I had my way, I probably would've stayed there and never come back.
and I can assure you that I will not be staying out of completely altruistic reasons (for the street kids and whatnot), but for once, I will be staying for selfish reasons, for my sake and not others.
sure, I would definitely go the social welfare cum charity route if I stayed there.
but I would also be genuinely happy there.

it had such a peaceful existence.
it was ravaged by a horrifying past.
but it was nonetheless, awe-inspiring and beautiful, amidst its ruins.

and when I was there, I felt boundless energy.

*kudos to dad and mum for teaching me the art of seeing something beautiful among its sham and drudgery. thank you for letting us explore our way through.*

of loves

currently listening to Eli Mattson's MySpace songs.
*I have an all-consuming crush on him*
I love his quirky-shaped eyebrows, his blue, blue, blue eyes.

and another thing I love is Michele Obama's lovely Jason Wu white, one-shouldered dress for the ball.
that is one heck of a miracle dress.
sure hope that dress is some good sign for US of A.

and absolutely can't wait for the CNY trip.
I'm dying to go see the temples in Angkor Wat, eat some fried street bugs, buy some traditional Khmer scarfs, cry over the genocide museum and the Killing Fields and most of all, I want to fall head-over-heels in love with the Cambodian street children and visit the charity school on the lake with our bags of goodies.
we're combining charity with recreation this holiday and we're roughing it.
and I'm totally loving the itinerary.

I *love* my girls.
The sleepover was all mahjong, board games, booze, food, gossip and giggles.
and I can't wait for the CNY Cambodia trip.

of the new year and the legal age

my attachment ended and the new year began.
the girls were wonderfully, reassuringly the same after years apart.
though I have to say that Sushi made herself into the epitome of demure lady that we all know her for.
and I wished I had somewhere cool to bring them for the countdown but I am again, disappointed by the lack of night time entertainment here in JB, or rather the lack of the decent sort.
I knew Sushi was desperately hankering for some girls clubbing/pubbing sesh. lols.
the dinner made a great ending to my year.
it sort of brought together all the different elements of my life as a 20-year-old that made me the female that I am now. (I wish to use the word "girl" but it seems a tad OTT since I am supposed to be 21 years of age today onwards. lols.)

my childhood friends + my family=
the ever-expanding family of sorts.

here's to a new year.

of the darn Chinese stereotype

apparently I look like a mixed breed aka not Chinese-ey.

must be my maggi-mee hair, my tanned skin and my not-Chinese-looking eyes.
darn societal stereotypes of Chinese girls having straight hair, sepet eyes and fair skin.

I totally get slightly huffy whenever someone goes in Chinese, "ey, xiao jie, you speak Chinese arh? why you don't look Chinese at all one? I thought you are a Malay or Indian or mixed leh!"

then in a bid to get back, I go in the most phoenetically-accurate tone possible for little old Chinese me, "I really really am a Chinese and I speak Chinese. My grandparents come from China."
then they always do the doubtful once-over look. then the nice patients apologise and begin speaking to me in rapid -fire Chinese.

lols. totally cracks me up.

***
on another Chinese-ey note, Donnie Yen kicks butt in Ip Man, the mos t awesomest martial arts flick this year. I've always had a thing for martial arts flicks eg Hero, Fearless etc the works. and Ip Man totally lives it up for me.


and btw, the non-Chinese-looking syndrome runs in the family. lols. lucky me.

of shock therapy and cross breeds

sometimes, all you need is a little bit of shock therapy to bring your head down from the clouds.
you need that little brief scene of tears to illustrate that the world is not all rose-coloured.
because for all the starry-eyed hopes and ambitions you have for your life, sometimes, they don't quite cut it.

I always knew that when I signed for this, it will be for the long haul.
essentially no turning back.
no kicking or screaming or whining about how the world is so frigging unfair.
I had all these rose-coloured dreams that were slowly being torn apart.
and I was glad for those little reality checks along the way.
nobody could survive on dreams made of air and bits of fluff.
it's not all games and fun in the sun.

and today just proved that I needed a little shock therapy to bring me back down to earth.
and I'm glad for it.
i just hope that in time, those little reality checks will mold my fluff-and-airy dreams into some concrete, do-able, achievable threshold between my high ambitions and reality.
because I know, I for one, can never survive completely on reality.
I still need that little bit of fluff in my life.
so fingers crossed, this reality check can mold fluff and air, and not crumble what little concrete i have left.


** on a happier note, I have maggi-mee hair!! and patients think I am a cross breed!! lols. much thanks to my dear beloved Pri6 Chinese teacher who helped me to prove those old uncles and aunties wrong. lols **

** on a bitchier, smarter-than-thou note, I'm boycotting Twilight. Just because I want to. and because Robert Pattinson makes a sucky Edward Cullen. and because I dislike movie adaptations of books (yes, incl the HP and LOTR saga, and I'm a book-ie through and through, and I like my fantasy imaginative world untouched, thank you very much). and because Twilight is a wee bit overhyped. and because after repeated readings I find it lacking in taste and depth. So, shoot me. lols. **

hello, you.
I'm going home tomorrow afternoon! *yay*
thank goodness everything fell into place this week.
it's as if it's making up for the missed AMS opportunity at the much-coveted Paeds unit.

exams went pretty good.
my new apartment is pretty with polished wooden floors and a huge lounge.
my stuff will be sitting in my new apartment tomorrow morning.
I am thoroughly packed.
so, it's all good.

now I just want to go home and see my dad, my dogs, my girls and my beloved meepok.

of the art house and hardcovers

I had another of my Nova all-day-movie-marathon.
utter bliss.
art house flicks totally float my boat.

1st up was the Hebrew-Arabic film about lemon trees, the Israeli defence minister and a Palestinian woman. total heart-breaker film.

then it was the French flick about the grocer's son and the sunny countryside of France. it was oh-so-breezy and such a fun film. I miss films like that. it made you want to wear your childhood gingham pinafore, run barefoot among long grass and then plop down and gulp down some cool lemonade. it was really that breezy.

and the last one was an absolute humourous documentary about American teens in their little cliques on their Senior year.
that was really quite one of the best films I have seen in along time.
But I have to say that the documentary really made fools out of the American teenage generation and that of their respective parents.
It made me feel that my high school life was a heck lot better than that of the American dream.

and then I made the most amazing discovery at the Borders discount store!
I found the prettiest version of Great Expectations by Charles Dickens... it was in a gorgeous purple and white chequered pattern in mini hard cover version.
I totally stopped and stared for a few moments.
and then I bought it.
in the amount of 4 Aussie dollars!
what a find!
totally made my day.

and it's totally going into my permenant collection that will one day, be my family heirloom.
lols

of AMS and the biker dude

and so I got the Youth Mental Health AMS unit.
instead of Paeds Haematology that I originally wanted.
but owells.
everything happens for a reason.
so it's all good.

though I wish I could work at RCH and see the little kids and do the whole Starlight thing.
but when I got to ORYGEN, the place seemed fine and the supervisor was a cool dude.
and omg, there was a little shouting-cum-swearing incident that happened when I was there with this totally hot, angry biker dude in black leathers.
he looked like the exact replica of those rebellious, ultra hot biker from movies that you see, complete with piercing, brooding gaze and heck-care attitude.
but this one this morning was a patient at the centre.
a very angry patient.
must be having one of those days.

and and and...
I will be having a friend with me at ORYGEN.
actually, there will be 2 familiar faces.
so double yayness.

but oh goodness. I pray and hope and wish I have the strength to go through with the whole mental patients fiasco.

but then, maybe it won't be so bad.
we are all a little crazy, after all.

of apartment-haunting

thank you to the bloody landlord of my apartment.
stupid idiot just informed CS that he/she/it wants the apartment back.
and it's totally legal to evict me and my brother because he/she/it gave 60days notice. and that period is sufficient enough by law. hello, I'm an international and I would love to spend my hard-earned term breaks in peace back in Malaysia. should I be grateful instead that I am still here in Melbourne and not back in Malaysia and still have the time/energy/effort to go apartment-hunting?!

and it's frigging Nov27. and moi leaves for sweet, hot, muggy Malaysia on Dec5.
so I shall have to accomplish the almost-near-impossible in like 1week.

darn it.
goodness knows how much I hate packing and unpacking and carrying frigging heavy crates.

give me my 3 wishes now, fairy godmother.

1. a gorgeous 2-bedroom apartment under $1800pm

2. our stuff neatly packed and labeled in pretty boxes already sitting in our gorgeous 2-bedroom apartment and maybe a small, nifty sprite to unpack my stuff too.

3. water pipes a-flooding, stoves bursting into flames and general apartment-haunting pheonomenon when he/she/it moves in. or maybe just a poltergeist will suffice.

thank you.
and I wish for nothing else.

Oh goodness.
I really really really really need a good book right now.
I need a good dose of imagination, and less of reality right now.
And the books mum brought over is just outside my room, sitting on the shelves so innocently.
My fingers feel damn itchy now.
omg.

And the thing is, I want want want one really.
and I hate the control.
I loathe it really.

Another 48 hours to the first of the Sem4 exams.
then soon, I'll be done with Year 2.
woohoo..
I so wanna do something crazy during the holidays to celebrate that I am just 4 years away from graduation.
I think I shall get another tattoo. lols.

Obama 08

Obama 08.
It'll be interesting to see this Democrat leader wrestled his way though the worst US financial crisis, the 2 wars that Bush created and the nuclear showdown with Iran.
but hey, I'll say that change is good for the US.
Martin Luther King's famous speech has now been fulfilled. It's a huge step for Americans.

Been watching parts of Election Day during the afternoon.
Exciting stuff!
Now back to mundane, mind-choking Neuro.
Exciting stuff!

was watching bits and pieces of the ARIAs amidst frantic revising.
Aussie bands are seriously mind-blowing.
some of the acts were awesome.
step away, US mainstream bands.
Aussie bands are now on my playlist.

Sam Sparro, The Presets, Operator Please, The Living End, Faker
just to name a few, rock my socks.
and on a sidenote, Gabriel Cilmi is a tad overrated.
sure, she's 17 and has 5 ARIAs and she has this husky, unique-sounding voice.
but in my humble opinion, it's a bit too young to acknowledge her.

and Pink is still me love.

of Famous Amos recipe!!

hello.
guess what I got in my Hotmail box today?
something really astonishing that it seems like a hoax to me.
I got this forwarded email for the recipe of Famous Amos famous ChocChip cookies...

so good things must be shared thus tadaa....

2 cups butter
4 cups flour
2 tsp. baking soda
2 cups granulated sugar
2 cups brown sugar
5 cups blended oatmeal (measure oatmeal & blend in blender to a fine powder)
24 oz. chocolate chips
1 tsp. salt
18 oz. Cadbury bar (grated)
4 eggs
2 tsp. baking powder
3 cups chopped nuts (your choice)
2 tsp. vanilla

Cream the butter and both sugars. Add eggs and vanilla; mix together with flour, oatmeal, salt, baking powder, and soda. Add chocolate chips, Cadbury bar and nuts. Roll into balls and place two inches apart on a cookie sheet.
Bake for 10 minutes at 375 degrees. Makes 122 cookies..


again, I have my doubts about the authentcity of this recipe.

so Mel to Pheyyee: girl, if you got time, go try this recipe ya? you're like the most awesome baking goddess that I know of. so if this recipe is the real deal, then you will be the one who can reproduce the results... lols. i will gladly supply any baking ingredients if necessary.

*greedily awaiting supposed-Famous-Amos cookies from PheyYee aka domestic goddess**

Beautiful sunshiny day.
But I'm stuck inside, as usual, at my desk, looking out to brilliant cloudless sky.
I hope that everything will fall into place, so I can move through space with ease.
Ergo the two mindsets that will solve themselves and I can get on with life.

here's to praying and hoping and finger-crossing that I get the AMS unit that I REALLY REALLY REALLY want.
if I don't get it, I will just retreat under a huge mossy stone and lay there and come out only in June 2010 for my clinical years.

please please please please please....

*on tentherhooks right now, in need of serious mind-numbing and thought-occupying lecture materials*

I very much like to spend my time as a boho, living in long flowery skirts and billowy kaftans and stringed sandals and plaited headbands. I love the whole mentality eg the chill-out, flower power, love green earth, love and peace.
I would spend my time sunning out in the gardens and still have lily-white skin.
I would be an illegal resident in small bookshops.
I would hole up in those hole-in-the-wall bars with brilliant, undiscovered artistes.
I would use only organic veggies in my dishes.
I would have this small stone cottage with those big fire ovens out in the garden.
I would make pretty jewellery out of iron an stones.

And most of all, I would have gone for the awesome, brilliant, out-of-this-world concert by The Script.
sucks to missing it.

*back to grouchy old med student me.*