of fixing people and letting them be

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home,
And ignite your bones,
And I will try to fix you,

High up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down on your face
And I

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down on your face
And I

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

of Moldy Peaches and Barry

The two cutest songs I've ever heard and oh-so-true: (download please)

Anyone Else But You (The Moldy Peaches)

You're a part time lover and a full time friend
The monkey on you're back is the latest trend
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

I kiss you on the brain in the shadow of a train
I kiss you all starry eyed, my body's swinging from side to side
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

Here is the church and here is the steeple
We sure are cute for two ugly people
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you
The pebbles forgive me, the trees forgive me
So why can't, you forgive me?
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

I will find my nitch in your car
With my mp3 DVD rumple-packed guitar
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

Up up down down left right left right B A start
Just because we use cheats doesn't mean we're not smart
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

You are always trying to keep it real
I'm in love with how you feel
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

We both have shiny happy fits of rage
You want more fans, I want more stage
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

Don Quixote was a steel driving man.
My name is Adam I'm your biggest fan
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

Squinched up your face and did a dance
You shook a little turd out of the bottom of your pants
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

***********
All I Want Is You (Barry Louis Polisar)

If I was a flower growing wild and free
All I'd want is you to be my sweet honey bee.
And if I was a tree growing tall and greeen
All I'd want is you to shade me and be my leaves

All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

If you were a river in the mountains tall,
The rumble of your water would be my call.
If you were the winter, I know I'd be the snow
Just as long as you were with me, let the cold winds blow

If you were a wink, I'd be a nod
If you were a seed, well I'd be a pod.
If you were the floor, I'd wanna be the rug
And if you were a kiss, I know I'd be a hug

If you were the wood, I'd be the fire.
If you were the love, I'd be the desire.
If you were a castle, I'd be your moat,
And if you were an ocean, I'd learn to float.


don't these songs just put a smile on your face and think the world is just so pretty?

of rainy nights and grown-upness

it's raining cats and dogs now.
and it's times like this that i wish i was home, back home in JB,
in the living room, lounged on half of the sofa,
while my dad would sit on the floor with his head on the second half of the sofa,
mum will be on the two-seater,
and my brother will be beached on the floor like a whale washed up on dry land,
and we're be all watching TV
and talking during the super-long ad breaks,
and sometimes, when we're really good and mum fancies something sweet,
we get a little dessert to accompany our TV-watching.
and i do so love mum's sea coconut dessert thingy.
but dad will probably be munching on his nuts or dried fruits ,
and mum will go, "stop eating all these nonsense, you're not young anymore."
and dad will go, "oh, but i am still young and these are healthy snacks" with that cheeky grin,
and we'll all be in our jammies.

i'm older now.
but i'm not that grown up enough not to miss home.

of brithdays and more birthdays...

Easter started off with a bang.

It was Chris's birthday on Thurs and i tramped all the way from uni to Fitzroy, without taking a tram! and it was far and there were tons of dodgy people around me taht gave me the creeps. and i was in my Zara shirt and ironed pants and flats, looking very much like some office admin staff who probably carries her paycheck in her bag.

but hey, it was worth it. coz i got to see the Albert House peeps again.

and it was awesome.

*smiles*

the girls and guy (wink wink!) were great and gossipy as usual.

so lots of juicy news and catching up....

then it was the J&J Birthday Bash on Friday.

Jasper (aka Jazzy thanks to Rach!! lol) is officially 2-0!!

Jacq's still in the 10s region, turning 19 yesterday. (lucky her!!)

and of course to show how much we love them, me and Phey Yee decided to bake the cakes for them. i tried my best but when Phey Yee aka the ultra-talented-slash-experienced-baker put her super pretty pineapple cake next to my amateurish cake, it shows. but in my defence, i made the cake out of love for Jasper and had a lot of tears, effort, hard work and sweat in it. *grins* omg, now looking at it now, my cake looks like a Safeway-bought cake!!

and of course the whole gang was there minus Kelvin Koay and he was sorely missed. and damn it, i look stumpy. *blah* i blame the camera for putting 20 pounds on me.

the guys. note QiLun's uber-gangsta-boy-rapper-with-side-cap look. very becoming, don't you think?again, boys will be boys, so they played with balloons while we girls yakked up a storm amidst the million-dollar-wall-to-wall view of Jazzy's apartment.

and fine, we were playing with balloons too. but just for a while, when the guys were doing what they do best on the PS3.something caught our eye at the side... and it was Jasper's shiny pretty high-tech chrome oven, great for all occasions eg baking muffins, roasting chicken, pasta bake etc. but Phey Yee doesn't seem to be impressed by that big-ass of a kitchen appliance. I assume that's because she has a much bigger-ass appliance at home. lol.

and I just had to put this picture of Jasper in. see that Cheshire Cat smile on his face when we gave him a rose. i bet he never received a flower in his entire life, being a guy. and boy, does he look pleased.

hope you guys had a great time with us crashing your place and cooking up a storm for two of you lucky people!! see how much we love you two, bridge-playing (Jasper, that's you) and indecisiveness (Jacq, this is you) and all!!

and then today was Princess Pamela's sweet 21st. and being the nice, friendly, super-sociable IMSS people that we are, the trio trooped down to the city to attend her pretty-in-pink big bash. the theme was Pink To Impress, so again being the compliant trio, we turn up in pink. the plates were pink too. even the drinks was this boysenberry-pink fruit punch and pink champagne.

and omg, I met a few people that I know personally which was kinda cool as I was thinking how I would just know the girls. the world is such a small place.

this was the only decent picture that I took as my camera batt died-ed on me.

then we had this late-night raid on Coles after the bash, as Jacq had to get soy milk and muesli bars. but me and Phey Yee came out with more stuff than her. we were just being girls and girls are incapable of buying things they only need. but it's all good because I finally found those big muffin foil cups. yayness!

and speaking of which, Phey Yee, here's the recipe for the brownie that i made you yesterday. super easy and quick...

6 tablespoons butter
2 ounces unsweetened chocolate (without saying, I put more of this into the mix. like duuuuh!!)
1/2 teaspoon vanilla
1 cup granulated sugar
2 large eggs
3/4 cup all-purpose flour
1/4 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup chopped pecans or walnuts (i omitted this because i hate nuts and i assume the world hates them too *grins*)

Heat oven to 325°. Grease and flour an 8-inch square baking pan.
In a saucepan over low heat, melt the butter and chocolate, stirring constantly. Remove from heat and let cool. With a whisk, beat in the vanilla and sugar.

Whisk in eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition. Stir flour, measure into a small bowl, and stir in the baking powder and salt, blending well. With a wooden spoon, stir the flour mixture into the first mixture. Stir in the chopped nuts, blending well. Spoon into the prepared pan and spread evenly. Bake the brownies for about 25 minutes.

and the important thing is to bake it for a whole 25 minutes or more, depending on your oven. and for heaven's sake, be a little patient and let the brownie settle and cool for a while. don't pull a fast one like me and end up burning my hand on the grill and collapsing my brownie. and holy baloney, my hand still hurts like hell!

much to learn, I have. *chanelling Yoda*

the weather is cooling down now which is awesome.

and i am officially stumpy.
(fat+short=stumpy. fat+tall=big boned)

and i might even be fat and stumpy which means i am fat squared and short.
that's why my legs hurt when i wear heels which totally sucks.

of self-indulgence and ungratefulness

i shall be a very self-indulgent, annoying little prat now and complain for just a wee part of my post.

THE MELB WEATHER IS KILLING ME. FRYING ME ALIVE AND BAKING ME INTO A WATERLESS, CRISP BACON.
it's suppose to be cold but Melb just had to unpredictable MELB, had to live up to its name, ya know?
so it was boiling, frustratingly, oven-ly hot.
so hot that i had to spread my comforter in the living room under the fan and sleep on the carpeted floor of my living room!
just couldn't deal with the heat in my room.

and and and...
it stops me from studying long sessions!!
sucks sucks sucks.
just when i was dying to get more and more study hours in.
soooo annoying.

and and and...
the IMSS torts and champagne thingy was on the hottest day of the week!!
and me and phey yee had to carry freakingly large and heavy stuff for it!!
i must have lost gallons of water and salt!!
that's why after that, i was craving for somethin savoury!!
for the whole damn narration of that crappy day, read phey yee's blog.
and yes, she did not elaborate on that post. what she wrote was very true.

and and and...
my quiz went worse than i expected.
i thought my result will be better, considering the extra long and early hours i put in.
and the weather now just puts a damper on everything else.

and and and...
the last week and this week's lectures were terrible.
notes were incomprehensible, lecturers were incomprehensible and the material was equivalent to rocket science.
sucks sucks sucks.'

....

i feel much better now.
now, i shall go and try to put in a few more hours!! despite the bloody-hellness of the weather.

Of Juno and the food baby aka seamonkey

omg....
JUNO is like one my favourite-est show ever...
blows the rest out of water for me.
i think i am in love with art films nowadays. i should probably just get a members card from Nova, the artsy-fartsy theatre near my place.

but back to Juno. sure, the plot is common, all about this teen who got pregnant by her best friend and her nine-month journey into giving up her kid for adoption.

but this teen is no ordinary teen, she's the very spunky, splendidly-portrayed Ellen Page complete with snappy comebacks as Juno aka Junebug.

and holy crap!! the things she and her entourage says is absolutely hilarious and very very snappy. script was sparkling with wit the whole time.

Leah: It's probably just a food baby. Did you have a big lunch?
Juno MacGuff: No, this is not a food baby all right? I've taken like three pregnancy tests, and I'm forshizz up the spout.

Vanessa Loring: Your parents are probably wondering where you are.
Juno MacGuff: Nah... I mean, I'm already pregnant, so what other kind of shenanigans could I get into?

Vanessa Loring: So... How are we going to do this?
Juno MacGuff: What do you mean? Don't I just have the thing? Squeeze it on out and hand it over?
Gerta Rauss: Mark and Vanessa are willing to negotiate an open adoption...
Mac MacGuff: What do you mean?
Juno MacGuff: Wait... No! I mean, can't we just, like, kick this old school? Like, I have the baby, put it in a basket and send it your way, like, Moses and the reeds?
Mark Loring: Technically, that would be kicking it Old Testament.
Gerta Rauss: ...So, we all agree that a closed adoption is the best decision for all involved?
Juno MacGuff: SSHHIT! YES! Close it up!

Mac MacGuff: [a very pregnant Juno enters the room] Hey there, big puffy version of Junebug

Mac MacGuff: You're pregnant?
Juno MacGuff: I'm sorry. I'm sorry... And if it is any consolation I have heartburn that is radiating in my knee caps and I haven't taken a dump since like Wednesday... morning.
Bren: I didn't even know that you were sexually active.
Juno MacGuff: I, uh...
Mac MacGuff: Who is the kid?
Juno MacGuff: The-the baby? I don't really know much about it other than, I mean, it has fingernails, allegedly

Juno MacGuff: You should've gone to China, you know, 'cause I hear they give away babies like free iPods. You know, they pretty much just put them in those t-shirt guns and shoot them out at sporting events.

Vanessa Loring: You think you're really going to do this?
Juno MacGuff: Yea, if I could just have the thing and give it to you now, I totally would. But I'm guessing it looks probably like a sea monkey right now and we should let it get a little cuter.

Gerta Rauss: So how far along are you?
Juno MacGuff: I'm a junior.

Rollo: Well, well... If it isn't MacGuff the crime dog! Back for another test?
Juno MacGuff: I think the last one was defective. The plus sign looked more like a division sign. I remain unconvinced.

Mark Loring: [in reference to Juno's stretched out shirt due to pregnancy] Wow! That shirt's workin' hard.

Paulie Bleeker: You seem to be getting pregnanter these days.


Mac MacGruff: In my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person will still think the sun shines out your ass. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with.

of birthdays and a simple joke

we just had our first test today. no comments on that. at least it's over.

and happy birthday to my dear Shze Yi!! that girl must be partying up a storm in the Big Apple, Stoneybrook to be exact. (there was this book series i read a long time ago called the Babysistters' Club and it was set in Stoneybrook too! how cool is that?) but back to the turning the big 20, i hope you get lots of pressies and cards and wishes and all the lovely things that you definitely deserve. missing you loads, girl! hugs.

and also, happy belated birthday to Phey Yee, my dear girl. we managed to celebrate it as best as we can, considering the exam was looming a few days after that. and i hope she had a great time. and the bouquet of flowers is like a tradition now, i decided. it shall be give to her on her birthday every year, as long as i can remember and don't go senile.

and today i saw this cartoon that our HP lecturer put in his lecture slides. he's the type that tries to be the "cool" one, the "engaging" one. i think he's just too conditioned by the subject that he teaches. and, he dims the lights in the theatre so he actually looks quite good from afar, then when you go near, you go, "omg, he is sooo not what i thought he look like...". and another pet peeve i have about him is that he again tries to fit in with the younger generation, or at least appeal to the females in his class. two weeks in a row, he has shown up for class in shirts that are unbuttoned to midway past his chest. hello??! we're not in a latin ballroom dance competition. thank goodness he didn't wear satiny shirts and tasseled shoes.

and back to the cartoon that just tickeled me to no end...
it's kinda lame, i know. but it's just so duh-laugh-out-loud kinda thing that i just had to recreate it on my lappy...
after all, it's the little things that make your life interesting, you know.
and it doesn't take a lot to make my day, just so you know.


i could wish for the world to be simpler, then we wouldn't know war and hunger and all those calamities. but it's just human nature to be better, stronger, faster. smarter than our ancestors. you can never change that. and i don't think i will change that too. not in a million years.

of fear in the heart and fear in the mind

hey, i learnt something cool everyday...

so clinicals was at St V's hospital for me this term and the place was uber super duper pretty.
now i understand the appeal of that place to meds.
and the clinical school sure took a subtle approach to advertising their better-than-thou cohort of students with their big-font announcents about their top Sem12 student and scholars.

sure did a heck of a job intimidating me the moment i walked into the reception and saw the announcements.

oh but the really cool thing that i learnt today was there are actually fear receptors in the heart.

people who have cardiac weakness will most likely feel a sort of foreboding or premonition or bad feeling or they will just feel terrible.
some actually feel that they are going to die.

so in a way, fear or paranoia itself is not such an unexplained thing.
it's sort of justifiable.

that's kinda ironic, don't you think?

and after knowing this, everytime you feel a sort of fear clutching at your heart, you'll wonder whether it's your heart doing turns or maybe it's really the outside influences that scares you.