of wide-eyed innocence and getting there

meet-the-newbies session begins tomorrow for me as an IMSS committee member.
i'm supposed to go up to them, all smiley and bouncey and answer their minute questions on vaccinations and assessment.

owells, i think i was once like that too.
anxious little ball of wide-eyed nerves.
except i like to think myself as not THAT kiasu.
and that surely makes me a more cynical person that before, more hardened by workload an stress and life and the eternal question "when am i ever going to be done?"

but you know what, i think it's for the better now.
me not being so wide-eyed naive, head up in the clouds and all that jazz.
but i don't think i've lost that zeal that drove me into med school and driving me to get done with it.
i think i still have that dream.

it's all that i ever wanted in life.
when i somehow get there and find out that it's not as pretty or rewarding as it looks, that shucks to me then. i'll just stick to it and learn my way to deal with it. it's just something that i've got to do.
it's in my blood somehow.

i think getting there at the end is my kinda happily-ever-after.
nothing else beats that.


unfortunately.

of quantifying and guessing

The littlest of things do make me happy.

It was HP tute this afternoon. and I had this African tutor complete with hard-to-understand accent. but he's cool, some economist that deals with the health industry.
and he started telling us about how to measure illnesses which involved two units, the DALY (Disability Adjusted Life Years) and the cost imposed by the disease.
and for some reason or other, I was flummoxed. absolutely fascinating stuff.
humans do want to make darn good sense on everything in this world
and to do that, measuring it sure makes sense.

giving a quantitative value to everything qualitative is clearly the way to go.

we give star ratings to movie reviews, restaurants.
we count the life expectancy of populations.
bosses ask their underlings, "Are you 100% commited to this project?"
we ask patients, "how severe is the pain in your chest, ma'am/sir?" the patient clearly worried goes, "really painful, doc" and we HAVE to ask, "on a pain scale of 1 to 10, what rating would you give it?"

we even measure intangible things like light.

but i think there are some things that should never ever be measured. coz it will just take the fun and mystery out of everything. (i always love to be kept guessing)
and goodness knows, we deserve a little mystery and fun everyday to make up for quantifying everything.

omg, craving MaxB again...



but you didn't even do the littlest of things today.

of stethoscopes and pulseless-ness

woohoo! small things do make my day.

especially when small things mean a new nice shiny Littman Classic II stethoscope that is a deep bluish-purple.
and that cost a bomb.

Mel loves shiny toys and so does her brother who spent 10 minutes smirking about his tummy sounds.

and the newbies of med school are in! now i'm a big hulking important 2nd year meddie who absolutely knows her way around Guyton&Hall. (or thinks she has anyways.)

and boy, do the newbies look so unbelievably young! i gurantee that by the end of Sem 1, they will have dark eyecircles and walk around with a perpetual hunchback from all the huge-ass textbooks they have to lug around and less starry-eyed ambitions too.

time to wake up and smell the coffee (literally), dearies!!

oooh, and we had to practice our blood pressure taking skills today. Mel is officially pulse-less too!! or maybe just too many fatty layers to muffle the damn sounds. but i am getting there. i am determine to.

Quote of the day: "I love shopping and watching movies. Does that make me shallow?" -Frida during ICM.

2ships on the sea,
1wants to fly and soar,
1wants the sandy beaches and palm trees,
darn it.
give me a reason.

of PBL and THE conspiracies

i'm getting tired already and it's only the 2nd week.

but i will be fine. i have my girls.

PBL group this term is trying my patience with otherworldly theories.
hello, it's freaking asthma!! a low IQ person can even tell you that.
but noooo, they just had to go the HARD way.
hole in heart, dysfunctional valves, dehydration, anaemia... what kinda conspiracy society are we running here, dudes??!!
yes, we have to have hypotheses and do the whole differential diagnoses thingy....
but the hypotheses of a cricket ball hitting him, causing internal haemorrghage, thereby causing breathlessness, disorientation, fainting and turning him blue is UN-FREAKING-BELIEVABLE...

and I had to be the scribe for this retarded session, thus torturing me with endless of freaking complicated tables to type up.

no wonder i didn't say much at this session.
i was just too stunned out of my mind to be paying attention to what was coming out of their mouths.

note to self: repeat mantra "patience is a virtue" 10 times a day.


p.s. darn it. i should have gone for the theory of him choking on the gum he chewed because of the boring cricket game. and it blocked his airways and voila! the symptoms!


and you are not helping either.

EDIT: omg, i can't believe i sound this bitchy!! shame, Mel, shame!! put up with it... grrr....

of Bridget and her edge of reason

Am feeling so much more cheered up now after Bridget Jones: The Edge Of Reason. absolutely never fails to amuse me and especially i love these quotes and her granny-sized knickers and her likeness to Elizabeth Bennet in Pride and Prejudice.

and Colin Firth is an absolute dead ringer for Darcy in that very same book! *swoons*


Bridget Jones: No, it's not a reason! But you're not perfect either! You look down your nose at absolutely everyone and you're incapable of doing anything spontaneous or potentially affectionate. It feels like you're waiting to find someone in the VIP room who's- who's so fantastic, just the way she is, that you don't need to fix her.
Mark Darcy: Bridget, this is mad.
Bridget Jones: And perhaps you thought you found her. Do you *want* to marry me?
Mark Darcy: Look- I...
Bridget Jones: You see, you can never muster the strength, to fight for me.


Bridget Jones: You can't do this, I'm English! And an award-winning journalist... Well, maybe not award-winning, but I have been to *lots* of award ceremonies.


Mark Darcy: Why're you dancing around in that tent business?
Bridget Jones: Because I don't want you to see any of my wobbly bits.
Mark Darcy: Well now that's a bit pointless isn't it. As I happen to have a very high regard for your wobbly bits. In all circumstances.
Bridget Jones: Really?
Mark Darcy: Absolutely. I think it's high time we had another look.


Bridget Jones: I will not fuck it up again, Mum.
Mum: Bridget! Language!
Bridget Jones: Sorry. I will not fuck it up again... mother.


Dad: Ciggy?
Bridget Jones: No. No thanks. I've given up again.
Dad: Shame. I find them very useful. I take great comfort in the fact that they might kill me before things actually get worse.


Daniel Cleaver: New York. the Big, Juicy Apple. The city that never sleeps with the same person two nights running. My favorite place in America, where Sex And The City isn't just a programme, it's a promise.


and Hugh Grant is finally the misunderstood villian in this show which is again a huge plus-plus! none of the mushy romantic Notting Hill crap, thank you very much.

i'm pissed now because suddenly i've lost my ability to do my research for PBL.
i can't find anything in my books on my table. sucks to me.
time to head to Wiki for a little pick-me-up.

of asam laksa and the glutton

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of resolutions and surfaces

it's been easier nowadays and it's been better too.

i guess sometimes, you just need to dig deep down or rather just scratch the surface to get to that little bit of realisation. and sometimes, that's all that matters.

it's a tad late for resolutions.
but this year, i resolve to not only scratch the surface of issues, dig deep down, but also to trust and have faith in me and my treasured ones around me.

heck, it's kinda a lot for me to take in, but it's worth a try because i'm tired of feeling insecure and being hung up by nothing.

*I am Mel and I am worth it*

i'm back in Melb again.
and it feels good.
the wind and chilly air does wonders for one's countenance.
i no longer care.

**
so many movies and so little money.


**V day is so overrated**

i long to be the rebel
but there can only be one
and i can't be that
i am conditioned to be this.

**

why is it so hard?
it should be easy.
but you've got to work at it.