It's been a lazy lazy lazy day.
and I'm currenly hooked on Ingrid Michealson and her lovely voice and am also rediscovering Corrine Bailey Rae and her awesome sophomore album.
and two R&B songs are on replay right now. Whatcha Say by Jason Derulo and I Remember by Keyshia Cole.

Shall try to rev myself up for a revise of my lit review. Grrr....

On a random note, I need a black racerback tee and a blue one and a red one and a yellow one. lols.

and omg, can I say Adam Lambert is H-O-T in his 'For Your Entertainment' vid?! The way that guy smirks and pulls you in with his kohl-rimmed eyes and his crooked finger clad in that metal handpiece thingy of his is absolutely stunning. Makes you wanna pant and fan yourself. lols. Albeit him batting for the other team, his performance got me all flustered.

I'm feeling a tad pleased with myself today.
I'm done with time 2 OFC data counts. so that's like half my project finished.
and fingers crossed, time 1 OFC data will be on like wildfire by tomorrow noontime, just in time for a celebratory lunch with my finally-arrived AMS partner.
and plenty of time left for me to polish up my lit review before I fly home for CNY.

aren't I efficient?! lols.

and holy schmoly, aren't we a little awkward today ey? bleh.
probably due to the fact that we had not much to begin with huh?
better now than 10 years down the road, I say.

I've been thinking that maybe, just maybe the numerous NGOs around should probably join forces and somehow, make a few big umbrella groups.
I mean, wouldn't this ensure that funds don't get misappropriated that easily and cut down on overhead costs like aid transportation, mundane admin day-to-day requirements?
Also, I would think that it'll probably garner more attention from the masses, resulting in more donations, awareness?
Because seriously, people, I think we have waaaay too many NGOs dedicated to the exact same cause, just with different funkier names and different founders.
It somehow makes things a tad complicated.

Dear Sandra,

I watched The Lovely Bones the second time today.
And it was beautiful as usual.
I'm still thinking of you, babe. No one could ever forget you once you graced their lives.
I miss you the same. But it's less all-consuming right now. Much less.
So I guess, it means that I'm in the stage of acceptance, yes?

It's been almost 2 weeks now.
How have you been?

xoxo

Dear Sandra,

I watched The Lovely Bones yesterday.
And it was a beautiful movie about life and life after death.
And Susie reminded me of you. The same infectious quality, the same buoyancy about everything, and the generous amount of love you lavished on your loved ones.

The book was like chicken soup for the grieving soul.
And the movie was a poignant albeit watered down version of the soup, I guess. lols.
It's hard to let go of the blame and anger at that idiotic, irresponsible driver. I wished so much that he had at least some concussion or bruises or just plain bleeding somewhere. I don't care where, just somewhere.
But I'm getting it a little now. 'It' being to accept the unfair reality of it and lay no blame on others.
Books and movies and advice columns tell us all about acceptance and forgiveness and the whole feel-good nine-yard thing. But they don't say how sometimes people hurt so much or how guilty they feel when they haven't talked to that person in ages so that they just need to heap blame and responsibility on others.
But I'm slowly past the stage of anger now and I'm accepting it. Thanks for that little push in the right direction, babe.
I still miss you. But I'm getting better at it. I don't feel choked when something reminds me of you anymore. You're the first close friend I've had that was gone too soon, you know? So please be patient with me getting used to the fact that I won't see you again.
Until then, see you around.

p.s. Did you see the guy who played Raj in the movie and all that sweet little scenes between Susie and Raj? He's cute, isn't he? I wonder whether you had someone like that in your life. You know what? I think you did because who could resist your sweetness and enthusiasm and joy? I should've asked about that, ey? lols.

p.s.s. And you know, I'm thinking that driver probably has to live with the guilt his whole life. So I'm guessing that's enough punishment, yes?

Dear Sandra,

I think I felt you last night.
It's helping me move on a little bit.
Thanks, babe.
I still miss you.

Dear Sandra

Dear Sandra,

I am still at the stage of denial.
I can still see your face clearly in mind, always in motion.
And that makes it harder for me to reconcile with the truth.
And not being able to say goodbye to you, not being able to see your face one last time, somehow makes it seem like a dream. One minute, I was looking at brain scans, and the next minute, the call came and...
Like I said, I am still at the stage of denial.

So this hopefully will make it somewhat easier.
I miss you, Sandra.
I wished we had laughed more, talked more, learnt more about each other.
Our dads being best friends until now since childhood, probably was the pulling point for us all being friends.
And I wished we could have continued the tradition of our dads being best friends.
And now I regret that our kids would never had the chance of being 3rd generation best friends.

Granted we didn't talk much, but when we all flocked together with our dads in toll, it was wonderfully perfect.
Like one big happy family.
You were always clamouring for me to tell you more stories about med school. You used to recoil in horror at my dissection room stories and how the cadevers smelt like 'lap cheong' and you claimed never to be able to eat that ever again. But the next minute, you would smiled sweetly at me and demanded more stories from the medical world. It never failed to amuse me.
And remember how you made fun of the two quiet boys in the corner during the reunion in JB? Yes, you did make fun of them. You kept denying it, giggling to yourself. But we all knew. And we all had fun. Especially Amanda who sure was your accomplice at the time. You girls took the mickey out of those guys.
And remember how you had to split the veggie stems and leaves and you claimed never to be able to like eating the stems and how you exchanged them for leaves with Uncle Chee Keong's son who said he like the stems? I personally think you were one smart cookie and got the better end of the... stick/deal.
And back when we were little tots, I remembered thinking to myself, 'poor uncle Jimmy, gotta put up with 3 daughters.' and me being determined to be a good little girl and sit in one corner of the hotel room, when I first met you and Clara and Laura. But, the next minute, I was up running about, helping you chase after the girls. You were that infectious.

I know you just turned 21 in November.
and I know you were one year away from your university graduation.
and I know you were everything to your sisters and your parents.
and I know that our small group would never be the same without you.

I want you back. Your bubbly, cheerful self.
and I'm angry at you being gone too soon.
Because I miss you. We all do.
We love you, Sandra.
and we love the fact that you were selfless enough to be an organ donor. You have inspired me.
I was lucky enough to be able to know you, to keep up with your constant enthusiasm, to laugh at your jokes, to share with you stories.

Thanks for the memories, babe. You were and still are one heck of a girl.

Sandra Wong (11/22/1988-14/1/2010)

of fluffy and wobbly bits

apartment is a little quieter now. without the brother around.
and the groceries bill is totally cut in half.
and I didn't even buy any junk food. yay me!!
conclusion: my brother is a money-gobbling machine. lols.
but I still love him to bits. all his fluffy, wobbly bits.

and I decided I shall not have any fluffy, wobbly bits too.
so there!

so I guess this is the dimension in the string theory that you guys belong together.

I have got my resolutions down pat for the year.
and I'm not telling. lols.