of cousins

When I was just a wee little girl, I tumbled about with my younger male cousins because the other cousins were much older than me and they talked about their secondary school studies when I was just in kindergarten.
And there wasn't any female cousins after me in the Seet family. I was the youngest female around. So I had no choice but to run up and down stairs and play with lanterns/bugs with the other younger guy cousins which all came out into the world one after another, or as I like to call them "a litter". lols.
I wore dresses at that time. My favourite one was this green and blue checked dress and what made this dress so very special was this heart-shaped cloth sling bag that came with it. It always made me feel so grown up and feminine with that little bag of mine.
But even when I was wearing that green-blue dress, the boys never failed to lure me out from my demure sitting position with the grownups and in no time, we were playing that game with the mother hen and her little chicks and the big bad eagle. I was very much a tomboy with them.
And the guys used to call me 'jie' and they still do. But now I look up into their grownup faces when they call me. They've all gone tall and reedy and solid and are decent boys.

And like today when I saw all 5 of them again, I can't help but be a bit astounded, a bit curious, a bit shy, a bit proud and a whole lot of nolstalgic.



I've put on my grown up high-heeled shoes but it all came rushing back with a roar and the sudden clutch of the heartstrings. And I'm falling overboard.


I'm leaving on a jetplane soon, in less than 24 hours.
Current thoughts at almost 1am:
It'll be a whole lot of different. A good kinda different, I'm sure.
It'll take a lotta adjusting.
Time with family and convos with friends (rediscovering past friendships and schticking to present ones) definitely helped. Together with bouts of replayed songs, mugs of green tea and reams of words.
When I'm good and ready, I'm gonna tear off the damn drapes and it'll be a sunshiny day.

*I'm walking on sunshine*