The thing that I know about myself is that again and again, I give in to people and issues and events and whatever that swirls around me.
Sure, I work hard for what I want and I give bloody 200% and in return, if I get whatever it is that I want, then I say 'Awesome! Mel has done well once again'. But then when things don't go the way that I want to go, I say 'Oh well, things happen for a reason and surely there must be something out there that's better than me'.

And so far, that's proven true. Countless times, I've been blessed with plenty of things myself.
And there are some times where I've been blessed with sights of people that I care dearly about being happy and safe and secure in their lives, even though I have had to live with the little regret. But hey, at least the benefits outweigh whatever disappointment/regret/pain I went through.

But sometimes, I just want to be brave and good enough to say 'No, that's not it' and actually mean it and not take it back or overthink it.

But then again, I did try.
So I can sleep tonight. Without the feeling of unknowingness or 'what if's.