of childhoods and blame

2 months solid of AMS-ing.
at Orygen Youth Health.
untangling the mysteries of human psyche.
but even if (heaven forbid!!) I don't completely remember what I've been slaving over this whole year, there's one thing that I will take away with me.

I'm totally grateful for the wonderful childhood and loving family that I've been given.

encountering the teen clients at the centre, listening to them regaling tales of their chilhood.
no tales of rainbows and Barbies and cupcakes and imaginary games.
their not-so-pleasant childhood experiences were and are what defined them, and made them the way they are right now.
sure, in the beginning, I admit I, the ignorant fool that I was, placed blame upon them. I blamed them for not taking responsibilty for their lives, for letting their lives spiral down to such a destructive stage, for not being able to finish school and hold down jobs, for having so much chaos in their lives.
but, as time went on, I realised why there are so many NGOs dedicated to protecting children's rights.
children are pliable. yes, they are resilient. but they are vulnerable too.
it's always a fine balance between resilience and vulnerability.
and it's partly up to caretakers to comprehend that.

the things that the clients had to go through were... horrified, to say the least.
the mental and physical agony that they had to go through at the hands of their so-called support network is indescribable. it's something that I would never wish upon my worst enemy.
and on top of all that, I feel anger.
I'm angry at parents who bring their children into this world, without giving a second thought to a child's needs of security and stability. I'm angry at the non-existence of love and gentle words, of advice and guidance. I'm angry at them, bringing their alcohol- and drug-fueled presence into the household. I'm angry at them, spewing foul words no child should never ever hear. I'm angry at them for not protecting their children from sexual, physical and emotional abuse.
dammit, these parents do not deserve their children.


I'm just glad that I had an awesome childhood, full of sunshine, TV-boxes-turned-spaceship make-believe games, sweets, art classes, laughter and most importantly, love.
so thanks, dad and mum.
I had fun.